All That Matters is What's Ben Happening: Ben's first day of kindergarten

Let me begin this post with a little honesty, and say that Ben's first day of "real" school was way, way harder for me than his first day of preschool. One day he is the boy I am supervising in the bathroom at Walmart, lest he encounter some random inappropriate stranger, and the very next day a large yellow bus pulls up to my door and I wave goodbye as a stranger drives him (DRIVES him!) to a building I have barely ever been to, to spend a day with a woman I have only met once. And he will spend more time there than he does at home? All of a sudden, just like that? Today is February 3, and it still feels wrong every single morning when he "leaves the nest," that he will be spending more time with someone I don't actually even *know* than he spends with Josh or me. It's easier than it was in September, but it's still hard. And I might even actually have a big frown on my face right now and a lump in my throat... but that's for me to know and you to never find out for sure.

Anyway. Pulling it together......... ahem.

First day with the easel. You can see his enthusiasm.

He outgrew these jeans about 37 seconds after this photo was taken.

Ben Luke Kresge. That was his chosen pen name for a good long time at the beginning of the year... I actually had a conversation with his teacher about what his real name is. Ha!

He was excited.... about the new shoes, backpack, Spiderman sweatshirt....

OK, I am not-so-intelligently listening to sappy music right now, and this picture is actually making me cry. Good gracious, when did my boys grow up?!

I love this picture. My heart was so divided in this moment - trying to pretend all was okay, I wasn't sad or scared for him, I was excited, kindergarten was going to be great... and I just wanted to press STOP on the DVD player of life. STOP for a long time. Ben is playing with my necklace, which kind of touches me - I think he was nervous, too (I mean, I know he was), but he was doing such a good job of staying busy and distracted. And Matt, well, he was cool as a cucumber because this was pretty much the coolest thing ever to him. Ben's gonna ride a BUS? Nice!!

Here it comes... that crazy yellow bus. Only about 24 minutes late, but who's counting? (That was a l-o-n-g time to stand in the driveway with nervous energy!) :)

I walked him across the street the first day. The bus driver opened the door and said with a big smile, "Is this Benjamin?" and I breathed a sigh of relief. Oh, thank you, God, that he proved he knows who he is supposed to be picking up, this isn't all as random and scary as it feels... The second day of school, I offered to walk Ben across the street again, but he didn't want me to. Aww. Ouch, a little bit, but aww. Big guy. :)